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Men tend to lie 'bout they dick. Yes folks that's exactly how its
said. "lie ' bout they dick. It's a simple expression. It basically
means when a male, female, tranny (not to be confused with Traniaic or even a fucking paraplegic can all
lie. Now for women they be lying bout they pussy. Trust me there will
be no lying on my dick. No buffoonery. I as a gentlemen who follows the
Byronic code of love Is no liar. !!!
I had a lot on my mind since moving to LA... Thoughts fly across the
mind from the heart. I've decided that I'm an enigma to most people.
There have been many breezies, honeys, dimes and ladies. Instead of
writing about all the spoils of the war between men and women. I
instead have decided to go against the grain and recall all the
classics (girls) that could have been should have been. So I'm going
to go back and recall all my failures. Why you ask?? Simple.
They're too Many lovers to talk about. I've forgotten so many. Yet the
rejection aka failures are few. They sting when conjured up by the
ghost of Byron's Don Juan.
Today's recollection is named Virginia slim. "VS" for short... We
met at the tender age of 16. She was the finest thing in her school.
She went to the high school that was on the other side of town. This
girl was the blueprint inspiration for "Lolita." Son, I mean she was a
sixteen year old that had the body of a twenty three year old pinup. A
voice as sweet as sugarcane and a heart to match. Eyes that sparkled
like two hope diamonds. A body that was formed with a swan's neck. That
lay atop of breasts that could not be duplicated out of the
finest marble of Roma. Hands even Egon Schile would be obsessed to
paint. ....................as I sit and write this my mind and self
scrambled. Now I was nobody's fool. You know older dudes were checking
her. So I had to sit back and check the profile. The sexiest thing
about "VS" was that she never acknowledged her beauty. She was a girl
who loved art. Her vices were Gucci and books. Men stood up when she
walked by. Women around her sat their asses down for the sheer fact
that they did not want to be the object of competition next to her.

Take into consideration that I was not the Love Samurai Master
that I an today standing before you. I was a young teenage boy that
had not yet mastered the ability to control my destiny. My Jedi
training had just begun. It was just a damn shame that VS was just
going to be one of my early tests that I was fated to fail. The
relationship started out simple enough. Boy meets girl.
Boy is intrigued by girl.
Girl is nonchalant about boys attention towards her.
I didn't have a Car or drivers license. In that time of teenagedom that
spelled one word. "Loser"! Plus there's the age old cliché of battling
older predator type of dudes who try to snatch up young hot fillys
with that whole bullshit they be on. "I'm older and you know you're
really mature for your age. How can I compete with that? I was just a
kid that was an art nerd who loved romance. I had no hope, all
heart. I would scream out loud and silently mourn my youthful
shortcomings. Wondering how this story would end??? Would I be able
to go on????
Of course I moved on but she still haunts me to this day.
Like ghostpussy, you fellas can use that word. Its been trademarked.
Its definition is pussy you can see but can't touch. The physics
of love simple don't have your back on this. As time passed. I would
try to woe her with letters that I sent faithly in the mail. Letters
that I hoped would inspire her. Possibly set her heart aflame. No
dice, as they say in the streets. We had our moments like having
breakfast butt ass early on a Sunday. A fucking Sunday. The only
time you do that is with grandma and grandpa. I had entered that
realm. No hope was surely becoming a reality.
I still remember that moment where she was chewing on her waffles.
Syrup has smudged her lower lip. She was so beautiful cause it was sooo
innocent. Women always try to produce sexy moments. Yet I'm sure, my
Byronic soldiers, they are artificial! Yet for VS these glorious sexy
moments came and went for her like the wind. Blowing right across my
face. Or when she took me to see Xmen. She was my Jean Grey. These
golden moments were far and few. My heart was aching from being
stretched so far.
I always called this girl. Mind you. She never called me. I
would always pick up the phone and dialed. I felt like such a loser.
Each time I called. I would hate the fact that I had to compete for
her attention. It made me feel weak. I had to learn. It was called
being a fool.
She was that sexy hot girl with the brains. The look and she loved Wu
tang. Back in the day that was the gold standard.
Each year passed. The hope for a consistent relationship was gone. At
this point I took what I could. Assholes were the final blow to the
ego. I wanted to be her man so bad. That looking back I realized she
wasn't ready for my futureLove. Cause its hard to make people in the
present understand you when you're always talking to people from the
future. My futuristic ass had to have a humble chip install into my
brain. She dated assholes. Men or Boys that could never offer what I
had. They were abusive. Had drug problems. Who knows, maybe "they had a
bigger dick than me"- Ghostface. Nevertheless these men stood on the
way of the happiness between us. The years came and went. This is
not to say that she was my sole focus. I was neck deep in Padawan Jedi
training. There were other girls. Ones just as beautiful ones equally
more gorgeous. Countless others that were sexier. I think it was
because I really didn't have a chance. Rejection only makes the bonds
of attraction stronger.
Nothing stings like rejection. Nothing hurts more than rejection with
no explanation. So eventually I learned to put it in the back burner.
One day I had enough. For the first time in my life I called her out.
She countered that I was selfish and made her feel like shit. I was in
disbelief. I had always called. Whenever I traveled I would bring
these t shirts from my travels that she loved. She always used to say
"make sure the shirt is titty tight daddy"!! When a girl talks like
that so naturally. How can you be mad at her for simply being one of
gods creatures. It was at this real moment in my life. I realized that
I had a lost ones moment. So we parted like T. Leung and Maggie Cheung. Waiting for a day to be in the mood for love.
After that day I let go of her. I was devastated. I was prepared to
be called many things. "Selfish" was something I'm not. I was selfish
in that way I was starved for attention, simply her attention. It
hurt so bad. Like a razor that had sliced through the flesh. Guts just
spilling out.

We didn't speak for years. Let's be specific. Five years. She creeped up
on me every nowand then in my heart. It would rain down painful reminders in
my life. I walked by a Gucci ad campaign The hurt was too strong, so
I never gave her more than a moment's thought. Anything would be
dangerous to my well being.

Then one day she tapped me on the shoulder and said "remember me"?
Shit. I was fucked.

The things that we all practice in our minds and hearts of
anticipation of that one clutch moment in life where we might get a
second chance , well I had it all in my mind. Ready to launch like a
tomahawk missile. I just decide to not launch....as I looked at her.
God she was simply so much to take in. She had changed. There were
still the sparkling eyes. That flawless careless smile. The thing is
she was one of the most perfect girls in the world. Yet when she
finally embraced who she was, flashed those flaws, she finally became
the vision of beauty that I always saw and knew she was. It hurt like
hell.
So by the fates of Venus and Apollo. We kept running into each other.
Like hundreds of miles away. Not once. Not twice. Just thrice. Now we
are occupying the same time zone. I'm sure one day she'll mirror my
sanity. The good thing is that I just hope she gets married so I can
finally be rid of it. That way there's no looking back.

The only thing I ever wanted to say to her is that stop me, please
stop me if you've heard this one before.
Nothings changed.
I still love you. Oh god it hurts cause I still love you.
Only slightly
only slightly less
Than I used to my love.......

There I said it.

Greaze Nabokov gone............

N boulom
The Lord of Lordz